What Holds Me Back?

What is the force that drives 
the code I cannot crack,
why can’t I step out of my shell
what holds me back?

I’ve read “how-to” books
got keys to success from T.V.,
but still I haven’t figured out,
how this all applies to me.

Sure I make out my lists
what goes and what stays,
but it’s never enough
my story regardless replays.

What are the things 
that bring me great joy?
please point out the road blocks,
I unknowingly employ.

I want a greater purpose
to stoke ember fires,
there has to be more
just need to connect the right wires.

I struggle to foresee 
why I am here,
what purpose do I serve
the answers aren’t clear.

My mother’s hail Mary’
once filled me with grace,
if only she’d deliver 
that awakening slap in the face.

There’s gotta be more to life
ways to be useful,
to further my evolution
authentic and truthful.

So each day I press on
‘cause I know the reasons are close,
unlocking new closets,
revealing old ghosts.	

© Deborah Garcia 2023, all rights reserved