AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MY HEART
Note: This poem is originally formatted in cascading lines, like the cascades of rose petals falling through our life. I apologize that I am not able to harness the technology to reproduce this beautiful format on this platform.
Your love: a cascade of shimmering meteors,
a cascade
of yellow petals. Striding through the aperture
of a cerulean mortal frame,
I hadn’t known your face, I hadn’t known
your name.
A star-blind road of fate,
the price of time
you could not wait.
You write “I see you”—
on the slate.
In a dorm room too close to the churchyard,
blanketed in lake-effect snow,
mother’s prayer card stands on the sill. You arrive
deep into the night,
crucified from a brotherhood haze—
you say, “Do you still love me?”
I say, “there is love?”
Not because I was cold,
but because I didn’t know—
you did.
In a kiss our souls ignite,
the lamp of rapture
floods the darkness
with our light, and the bottom of a staircase spirals
out of sight—
you say, “That was reeal good.”
I say, “Mmm.
”We’re moving in time to
a chamber door, where the needles’ eye is winking,
it’s tip piercing through the core.
And the feast is lit by candlelight,
and the Fates cant, spinning the thread of life
as the sound of Genesis echoes through
the night. A distance falls around our souls,
our bodies glowing bright—
you say, “lend your love to me tonight”
I say, “complete me.”
Then my blood begins to roar, I become your
universal whore.
In the home of my past,
I kneeled to my host,
the father, daughter and
mother ghost.
A white horse with no rider appears—
in the dawn, a cross with no artist
in the satin weave
is drawn.
Under an altar on the edge
of the sea, we light the eternal candle’s glow
Taking my hand—
you say, “With this ring
I wed thee.”
I say, “I do.”
We sing, “you are my lover and
my best friend.”
The bottles empty, the nuptials done,
billowing clouds swallow the sun, the heavens heave
in turbulent roar as the Gods alight
in thunderous war—
you say, “You me together.”
I say, “Until the end.”
In a house too close to the city,
five years pass in our history of one—
I say, “we’re having a son.”
You say, “the rhythm we made has a heartbeat.” You carry
yellow roses from the city,
on the train.
Through a decade our hearts haven’t missed—
a beat. as your vision fades
all around you, your light
is burning fast. Your second son near
his birthing day,
Yellow roses on the way—
you say, “I hope life is not too short.”
I say, “I promise you all my love now and forever.”
Under a moonlit night, with ten more diamonds
you re-avow
the only stars you can see.
Yellow roses and Claire de Lune—
you say, “Hey Dear, don’t you know my love is true.”
I say, “Promise you’ll never leave me.”
Twenty years—
our love: a cascade of shimmering meteors,
a cascade
of yellow petals. You’re restless in the night,
something unknown trembles
your light—
you say, “I love you so much, I need to hold you tight”
I say, “I love you too, tell me what’s not right?”
You say, “I don’t know, I need to feel your heartbeat close to mine.”
But you knew, you knew more
than me or you,
No one could see your view,
where you were going to.
A clock
unwinds,
A child cries, an urgency
intoxifies.
Racing through the door—
you say, “have a good day dear.”
I’ll say, “I love you—
later, when you call.”
Your love: a cascade of shimmering meteors,
a cascade
of yellow petals. Receding through the aperture,
of a cerulean mortal frame,
you haven’t left un-faced,
you haven’t left unnamed.
Your star blind road of fate—
you said, “I’ll see you—
at the gate.”
I said, “In the chamber, where the thieves’ debate, I’ll write
I love you—
on the slate.
In room too far from the tomb, there’s an angel
standing in the sun,
the meaning of all that I believed
escapes me in this world of none.
Every moment marked by apparitions
of your soul.
And the songs that echo all around me, bring a glimpse of you
in the night,
in a world I used to know before, where our candle burned
bright.
Now blind faith guides my darkened sight,
as the eternal flame burns
low.
And although it’s been such a long—
long time,
I ache to feel the glow—
you are my universal soul,
I am your divine whore.”
Your love:
a cascade of yellow petals,
a cascade of shimmering meteors.
© Deborah Garcia 2020
About this poem:
I wrote this piece to honor our 33rd Anniversary, July 25, 2020. Our love began on a cerulean blue, sunny day on a college campus in upstate, New York. Dave appeared out of no where, running up from behind me as I walked on a campus sidewalk, and introduced himself. To say that Dave was a Rock fusion affecionado understates the importance music and lyrics had in his life, lighting a world that was darkening from an eye disease, that had already robbed him of 80% of his vision. He was also night blind and had never seen the stars. In the years we were apart, before marriage, he wrote extensive letters to me, citing lyrics from albums that were influencing him in the moment. “Lend Your Love To Me Tonight, by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer was one he hand wrote all of the lyrics in a letter, dedicating it to me. On our wedding day, I spent the last night in my childhod home and strange things occurred before the Limousine arrived. At the end of our marriage day, the beautiful day folded into a violent storm, taking out power in our apartment. When life became busy, we kept a journal on our nightstand, where we passed notes to each other at the end of the day. Some quotes are from here. September 10th, he was troubled by a feeling he could not describe and held me through the night. Then suddenly, the alarm didn’t sound, though the clock hands had moved forward, and he jumped out of bed to race for a train on a cerulean blue day.
And this is why he is known to many, simply as N, the New World Man. He often comes to my mind in the lyrics we shared as well. Mrs. N, you continue to shine the light and a cerulean blue day in NY will always bring him forth from the darkness and into my heart.